Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
