so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone shattered a urinal.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
