He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
