her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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