Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
