you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
