you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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