I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize