I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
