I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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