just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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