i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
