What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
