im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
