so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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