A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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