My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
