All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
