My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
