My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize