i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bring me that man meat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm too high and old for this...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
