I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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