Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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