So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if only i could text you this smell
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
