Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
