good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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