My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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