you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
