if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
