This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
