Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
