I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
