He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
