Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
