There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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