There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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