I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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