So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
