it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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