Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
