This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
