i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
