Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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