You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
