If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The feeling are messing with the penis
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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