I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
