So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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