Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
