I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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