I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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