Define "chronic" masturbator.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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