Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
