i think i have two assholes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
