You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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