i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
