i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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