somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
