I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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