We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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