The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
