he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think I sprained my soul last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
