We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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