M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
