Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
