I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize