Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
