Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
