The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
