great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
