he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
