i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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