and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
