Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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