Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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