Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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