They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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