Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
