Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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