marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
