My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
