You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Your cock deserves a montage
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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