Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
