i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
