i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize