Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
