I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
