a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
