My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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