U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
