I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
