Pappa wants mamma naked
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
