she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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