with your own penis?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
