I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
