Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
