Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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