her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
