I could make wine with my vomit
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
do nipples grow back?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
