Whod you bang
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
