Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
