Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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