Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
