On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
