You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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