My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
