i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
